Tuesday, July 12, 2016

day 8

a list min 500 words go

Clear room
Sort clothes
School work
     Small business assistance
     Living in the grey set up
     Beta testing
     Second harvest
     Stage hand
     Sister act
     Bucket list
     Fuck it list
     Emailing list

     Class options
     Apply outside
     Study abroad
     Finacial aid
         World Tour
         Cinque Terre
         St. Petersburg
         Angel Falls
         Buenos aires
Jessa Zaragoza
Jed Madela
Sara Bareilles
Celine Dion
Mariah Carey
Whitney Houston
Lea salonga
Christina Aguilera
Bristney spears
Spice girls
Billy Crawford
Laura pausini
Tori Kelly
Bruno mars
Lady gaga
Demi Lovato
Ariana grande
Justin beiber
Michael Jackson
Kelly Clarkson
Carrie underwood
Lady antebellum
Utada hikaru
Namie amuro
Girls generation
Super junior
Wonder girls
Rallia westrick
Jess glynn
Jessie j
Raquel Cabrera
Destiny child
Ellie goulding
Enrique Iglesias
Sky ferriera
The boyfriends
Freddie aguilar
Jose mari chan
Sharon cuenta
Zsa zsa padilla
Alessia cara
Tove lo
Missy Elliot
Etta james

Share a story
Light up
Lead by example
Path your own path

Pray meditate
Soul writing
Reading writing
Being thankful
Face everything and rise
God given
Working a job you feel happy in


I will survive
If I aint got you
For all of my life
City dove
En vie rose
Ball about that bass
Don’t cry for me argentina
Dancing queen
Bakit pa
Labis kitang mahal
Eternal flame
Especially for you
Lord I’m ready now
Killing me softly
At last
My destiny
Changes of my life
Bescause of you
Kiss me
Should have been us
Officially missing you
Hills have eyes
On a journey
Don’t stop believing
Cant stop falling in love
I choose you
Born this way
Broken vow
I become a hero
What I do best


day 7
I Skipped a day but here it is
I was literally too tired to post it before dozed off.

The challenge to write about a rant, about advice you wished someone told you about in your life.

I'm not going to rant, since I know I can do it all day. Infact my parents make sure I know it.
For me rant is not about complaining, but it's my way to express what I think about the injustice or the situation. With so many topics, from GMO foods, to finding true love, what really matters in life, 9/11, the way war works, how the culture in America is different from Europe, how people tend to look at the surface of life, how you should be confident in who you are and not worry about what people think.

Well I think the last one struck a chord with me. I always gave a D*mn about what people thought about me, and how I could get people to like me. I was confident, but I realized my confidence laid on a faux foundation based on the exterior qualities of who I am. Instead of simply me, it was what I can do, what I look like, how smart I am, how popular or whatever.
I will tell you that I used to think I had it all, but that was my inflated sense of self. Maybe I was insecure but yet a bit of a narcissist, but despite that paradox I simply wanted other people's approval. Not only that but I wanted other people to somehow guide me in my path. I wanted to know who I was based on how other's saw me. That was wrong.
 Growing up we were all rewarded for doing the right thing, being a good citizen, being the best, being perfect. But that all becomes irrelevant when you's true purpose in doing all of that is not right.
"To look good" how about being Good. Simply being yourself and who you are.
Even when this does sound clique, it rings true,
Be yourself, because everyone else is taken. -Oscar Wilde.
I can not being a carbon copy of anyone, I can only try to be the best version of myself I can be.

Enough of trying to look perfect, or portraying myself as such through social media, or in public. Perfection was my poison, I wanted it until I realized the irony in perfections, you must make mistakes to know it.

I'm advocating a humble sense of unconditional love for oneself. Self love is what fills our life inorder to share love. We must fill our cup before we share it.
WE must follow our heart and where it leads us. Before I wondered what I would do in my life, and now, I still wonder what I will do in my life. And thats not the main point, doing life and being alive are two different things. I want to be alive, and know it takes time.
BUT I dont want to wait, I want to be calm cool and confident in myself in this moment. I am and I am not all at the same time. I'm at the prime time of my life, and I feel this overwhelming stress to have EVERYTHING figured out, but its not so easy. Maybe it is a matter of my mind. Mind over matter, whatever you may call it. I just want to be in the point in my life where I am free of anyone's opinions. And yet I can start now. And so can you.
Be patient with yourself as you a learning more about the things that spark joy in your life, and the parts of life that guide your heart into the direction you are meant to take.

Enjoy the process, or processes. We get obstacles in life because we can handle them, even as you level up or defeat a battle, there is always another one to overcome. This happens like a wheel, things go up and down. Things or obstacles in life are repeated metaphorically when we have yet to truly learn a lesson. For me I think it is putting everyones's needs and desires above my own. Not to be selfish, or self-less. I want to be self full in my life, and being present in the everyday happenings. Being present makes time seem irrelevant, since the past is just a memory, the future does not yet exist, and the only thing that really exists and matters is right here and now. So enjoy it, even in good times and bad times. One moment you"re doing absolutely nothing and the next one you are doing just about everything and you're like Wonder Woman. I think its good to rest and savor the little things in life, as these little things will become the best memories.  One of my favorite things in the world is balancing on my mom's bathroom counter, right by the sink next to the shower and just talking to her. Or while my mom is getting ready for work and she is doing her makeup, we just chat about life. Now it's hard to get a word in for her. I think time has done something, but I do cherish those moments when we shared good laughs.

Monday, July 11, 2016

Day 6

Day 6 Write story in 3rdperson
In her eyes

How dare he?
She could feel it in her bones and in her veins, the rush of adrenaline. Shaking. She wanted to stop. But it was too late. Numbness. In her jaw her hands and her legs. Was she moving still? Did she suddenly stop shaking? The view became grainy, in and out white and black. She could feel her weight crash down. She did not believe it was all happening to her all at once.

It was only a few days ago she was in her garden swing, watching cars trail on by.
Everything was beautiful, the sounds of winds blowing, the chirps of birds calling, and the phone ringing.

If only she could return to that time?

Everything was beautiful, until she answered.
She had to relax, and maintain her composure. She was about to talk.
“Are you there? I need your help.” The inquiry was so brash, so urgent, yet so empathetic.”
“Hi, who is this?” She pondered, the voice was not familiar.
“It’s me, we spoke at the party, remember Sarah?”
“Oh Sarah!” Inside, she could not remember anyone named Sarah.”
Then proceeded to ask what she could do to help.
 Sarah asked if she could talk, in person.
She wanted to know what was going on. So they set up a rendezvous point at a local café.
She thought about Sarah, who ever she was. She didn’t know her. But she knew her.
Sarah was a part of her as she is a part of Sarah. A stranger and a lover.
When she met Sarah in the café, she could feel a tension in her neck, an excess sense of thrill. It was so familiar and yet so new.
Sarah was someone she met through a mutual friend. Her boyfriend. Matt.
Matt was going to be a father, and he would wed Sarah.

“I’m sorry, but I would rather come talk to you myself.” Sarah sighed. “I don’t think Matt would have done anything”
She was livid, she thought Sarah was a friend she somehow forgot in her book of names. Now she is the lover of her lover.
“So what do you think will happen now?” She asked, trying to hold in her tears through a glassy stare.
“Could you please stay away from Matt. I’m afraid he’ll get confused and he might back out of the wedding.”-
“Wedding?” She was astonished.
She and Matt have been dating since high school, and whenever she talked about marriage, Matt would retreat within himself. He always said he would wait until we both had fulfilled our dreams.”

It seems like those dreams sailed away. Far far away. And it was too late.
She couldn’t look at Sarah, her eyes showered the placemat in front of her. Before she realized she was crying she felt her face turn red.

That was only a crazy dream.
But it really happened. Matt got married. She found the wedding invitations, but she never sent the RSVP.
Instead she started singing and writing songs about the birds singing and the wind blowing.
Never again did she see Sarah or Matt, but wherever they are at, she sings good bye.

Sunday, July 10, 2016

Day 5

Day 5 write what you know
Dear voice where to even begin?
I know many things yet the one thing I am certain is that I know nothing simply because I have so much to learn. Even the things I thought I knew I learn something new and exciting about it as I deepen my experience with it. Today I did a have another lazy day. Yet I push myself to write this. Not because I have to, but I got to. It’s something I need to do in order to work towards a better and brighter tomorrow. The one thing I know in myself is that I want to experience life, and yet I want to remember it all too. So writing things down is so vital for me. So the kind of things I know that I could share with you?
Well for one my own story. As a story teller I think the strongest ones are the most personal. Starting off I have a great life. Yet the other day I pondered on the option of ending it. “wait as I scratch my ear. Literally.” Ok it sounds silly, I am not doing my job of telling the story. Who knows it’s the best story I have so far.
Ending my life. What in the world happened to me to want to, or even consider this fate? Endings are new beginnings, and I wanted a new beginning. I’ve made many mistakes in the past. My relationships with my family and friends are not entirely active or involved as I would want. I think I’ve gotten back to square one in my self. I wanted to do so much and yet I decided to sit in my house all day and watch TV during my attempt in cleaning out my closet. That’s the hard thing, to clean your closet. Metaphorically it means to face things in the past or things about yourself both good and bad. As I look at a piece of clothing I see the emotions and the memories attached to this item and I have a hard time of facing it or letting it go. So the three massive piles of my tops, bottoms, and dresses patiently wait for me as I try to “get into the mode, the zone, the mood, the whatever you want to call it.” I want to live a simple life with love and clarity and surround myself with love and beauty. I am entirely blessed to have so much; this surplus of clothes just makes me so happy. I can literally own a fashion line, or a boutique with all the items I own. And I don’t’ just mean clothes, but jewelry, belts, shoes, scarves, you name it I may or may not have it. I love to share yet I find myself wanting to keep everything and yet give everything away and start anew. Facing my past by sorting through my closet may seem dramatic, but I think its just hard for me to say good bye. Period. But then I realized it should be a celebration, and thanksgiving for all the lessons and memories, the good ole days that inspired and developed who I am today. I probably won’t do my clothes right now simply because I want to share this story and get this off my chest.

I want to tell the story of my life so far. If I was directing my life story what moments would I highlight, which scenes in my life were so pivotal in where I am right now. I want a new beginning yet I am also afraid to end things. Stories should start in the middle of the action. In Media res, as they call it. They meaning literary and academicals people, I could blab on and on using the nice hefty jargon. It’s easy to use big words. But I’m one to choose the simple and sweet route on this storyline.

Right now, as we speak (July 10, 2016, Midnight) I’m writing in my bedroom surrounded by unfinished business. Physically I am surrounded by the bags and pillows from my closet form clearing it out, and in the room across my room holds my entire closet, my computer desk, books, papers, memorabilia, photos, cds, you name it the family/entertainment room has it.
Granted I feel like I am Ariel front eh little mermaid in her cave of treasures. She has it all but still she wants more. I want experiences, and love and most importantily taking a leap of faith into fulfilling my dreams. But I digress. You see I have so much in my life to be thankful for, but I think I may have taken it for granted. I just came back from a trip of a lifetime; a study abroad trips in Italy for 6 weeks with my school’s art department. The best place to study photography, art history, and drawing and painting. I did it all, and I enjoyed every second of it. Although there were some hard days I didn’t know where I would eat, so I would go street performing or busking so I could earn at least two euro and play the lotto. I haven’t won my bets back. I don’t think I will continue that vice. I wanted to try and see how I could literally feed myself with my music, it was tough the crowd was not always responsive, but I learned soooo much. Always go where your audience is. Go where you will be heard, and always know the sound levels around you, sing where the environment is supporting your voice.

Anyways in this trip I came with the intentions of “finding myself” in a way I think I really did, subconsciously, but at this point and time I can only tell you that my passion and purpose in life has to involved music. But as my routine stands I do not sing, I do not rehearse, warm up, or even try to practice songs or create new ones. Instead I found my self singing in almost empty churches and feeling this amazing warmth and love welling up inside my entire body as I sing. It’s the help of the acoustics, and my lack of a trained ear. I gave a great friend of mine a song, and she went into tears as she heard me sing. It was an enlightening experience; I knew I can do it. I remember my next door neighbor in the boarding house I stayed at, 3 days before my entire group came along. This man named luca wore a rolling stones shirt and underwear, and we still hung out talking about our dreams and what led us to Rome. He told me this idea that the Greeks believe. Each person has a daemon, which I literally thought meant Demon, based on what I heard, but context clues despite having a hard time speaking Italian, Luca was referring to this daemon as a guiding light from deep within that shows you the way you are able to fulfill your purpose. When I got back to the states he asked if I had found it. I said I did. In fact, I did find it, but I ned to work on listening to the daemon more intensely. That’s the thing, listening to the inner voice, it can be a challenge because as you try to listen to it, other voices come, my personal voices are based on my emotional self conscious persona. Pride, guilt, envy, and doubt. These voices become audible in my search of finding my true inner voice. One of the voices is personified by my mother after she said many things to me, some are so good I really needed to hear it but others can be heart clenching
I don’t know how or why but these voices have suddenly become my warden, my inhibitors.
I have this sense of love and respect, but my faux confidence is becoming weaker. I started to stop caring about the approval of others. But when it comes to my parents its another story.

Now I am extremely tired.
Talk more in the moving
I will contemplate on my storuy

Saturday, July 9, 2016

Day 4

The art of traveling

Traveling doesn’t need to be anywhere special. In fact, it can even be in your own back yard. What matters is the mindset of travel wherever you go rather than wherever you are. I always thoughts that its not about the place and time, its about the peace of mind. Anyone can be in a bustling city any where in the world, anyone can be in the small countryside of the world and all the matters is that you appreciate the moment in which you are in right now.
I mean its takes a sense of self awareness to truly be able to appreciate not only where you are at in the present moment but also who you are with because that is what truly makes traveling really fin. I like to travel by myself because I don’t have to wait for anyone and I can make my own decisions without worrying about pleasing the other company I am with. But on the other hand I enjoy traveling with my family and friends because it gives a sense of wonder and a moment to bond over the situation. Even as we get out of our comfort zones I think it’s a brilliant way to learn and truly work together in new situations. Life is about change and grow and its also about learning to enjoy connections and relationships with other people. I hope that in the end of life its about the process of life rather than what you did to get form point a to point b it should be about learning what works and what didn’t work its bout the little details in life that I enjoy and the way you can enjoy little things in life by being thankful for everything. I try to enjoy myself in everything I do, put my 100% heart in it and sometimes I do things just because I have to but yet in life it’s a wonderful thing to be able to do things because you got to. It s all a choice in what you want to do in life. I got to clean my room for a clear mindset, I got to go eat breakfast with my mom so we can enjoy each others company. I got to relax and allow things to unfold and yet I also have to. No I got to get things done and I'm thankful for having these things I need to get done like working on my dream idea and working on something bigger thatn myself
I want to create life that is ridiculously amazing by following and leading with my heart. I got to. Life is my art piece I will make it my masterpiece and work in progress at the same time, and I will and I create and express my life through music art and photography. I know that God has a plan and a beautiful purpose for all of us we must follow our “diamond” in our hearts. My heart sparked at the idea of the Thiel fellowship and I don’t know where it will lead me, but I think it’s a grand start- a great start into putting my dreams into action.

Friday, July 8, 2016

Day 3

Dear voice

Time is of the essence. At 21 I would be at my prime if I were a boxer like Muhammad Ali. In a blink of an eye being 16 or 17, or even 18 seemed like it was only yesterday. Yesterday I was in high school, yesterday I started college, yesterday I was in Europe. Yesterday…
I am thankful for many great yesterdays. I always think that the best are yet to come, and the only moment that I can really make the most of is right here and right now.
If I were to showcase my life as a movie, where would I be at? The climax? The character development? The beginning?

I like to think of my life as a movie, I’m the protagonist. God is the director of my movie, and with a bit of actor inspiration, I suppose I can ask God for more takes in a few more scenes. Hypothetically speaking I like to think that God gives us paths, and as we travel through life we can ultimately choose which path we take, the one that He shows us, or the other one. Whatever the path we choose, God is with us through it all.

God is my guidance, He is my hope, my everything. It took me some time, a lot of prayer and few deep moments in my life before I realized this fact. In my dark moments I had to face, I knew God was there with me and He never left my side, even when I looked away from Him.
I met a great friend of mine, she is an inspirational soul. She shares her God-given wisdom about life and how God works in mysterious ways in our life. She recounts studying extensively on the culture of Russia during her high school days. Now she is going on a missions trip to Russia! I believe that God truly has a way of preparing us for things even before we know it. Now it made me wonder, what did I study back in my high school or even middle school that may still have value for me now. Well for one, I went to a rigorous college preparatory high school, and in middle school I went to a transitioning medical school. Although my heart is truly in the performing arts, I chose the educational path, and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. Learning is one of my great loves, even as a child I loved to learn and to share what I learned. I used to talk to myself as if someone was always interviewing me, well I still do, just not as much. This imaginary interviewer would ask questions about my life and why I did this or that or my thoughts on philosophy and the esoteric ideas. I loved answering and asking questions. It seemed so natural for me. Then as I look back to my middle school days I remember my first major science fair project on kaleidoscopes. I absolutely loved colorful things that my teacher Mrs., Della Cross even suggested it to me and I was hooked. I loved the idea of looking through a kaleidoscope and knowing that you never see the same image twice, not only because of the many factors such as light, angles, color, but the personal experience and the perspective you have on the images that affect your emotions. I love that looking through the kaleidoscope I can sense this change in my mood, I become much more relaxed and my mind clears.

Time flies. So what will I do with my time right now. I like the idea that Oprah presents, she said to quiet your mind and allow your inner voice to speak. Listen for it, and it will tell you what the next best move is. Right now my next best move is to work on my idea and look into the Thiel Fellowship. Hoping for the best.

I also recommend this book called the Lotus and the Lily by Janet Conner, it is such a  beautiful read. It is helpful because it allows you to listen for your Inner voice. Just as I am speaking to the voice inside of you.

Thursday, July 7, 2016

Day 2

Day 2
Life is an art
Today and everyday I will be a masterpiece and work in progress simultaneously. I’m perfectly incomplete, yet I know in my heart that everything will work itself out when I leave it all to God. Of course there must be work and effort in the direction I choose to go. I like to think that life is a combination of destiny and choice, we are destined to do great things, and as we journey through life it is in our choices that allow destiny to be fulfilled. I think that fear is the one thing we must fear, because it causes us to hesitate in taking the right course of action, or we impulsively take an action without further evaluation of the consequences. I have a special friend who explained life in this way. “Life is a series of adventures and you will learn something from each one. You can never be sure of anything in life, and that fear paralyzes some people into doing nothing. You have made a decision and now you must breathe life into it. Stop looking for reasons not to do it and start looking for the nuggets of knowledge. Some good, some not so good. Ultimately you will glean from these experiences.” My friend works for one of the most beloved media companies in the world, in fact she worked in two movies that depict strong heroine characters, one saved all of china, and the other could see the colors of the wind.
I chose to partake in this 500 challenge, writing 500 words everyday for 31 days.
So what am I going to do with this challenge of writing everyday? Simple, I want to develop the skill and love for learning and sharing my thoughts in a daily blog and hopefully, I pray that it will also help my skills in writing songs and storytelling. But how do I do that? I suppose writing the way I like in the stream of consciousness, no edits, unless I have the time to really review my work. It is really hard to edit work and break it down to become concise. I find it easier to simply say everything in my heart, but it’s not like we have all day. Otherwise my work would be a bit of my thoughts, sharing my adventures in life, and most of all my thoughts on the experiences I’m learning. I want to share the nuggets of knowledge, and simply sharing my story of taking leaps of faith. Now that being said I’m about to embark on a quest for self discovery, soul searching and suppose trying new foods all around the world. I pray that whatever God has for me I will follow. Writing makes my soul happy and I want to do more of that. Taking about God and the revelations He has shown me and how He continues to guide me every second of my life simply baffles me I love to share it with you and I also find it interesting to look back one day and reread these posts.
I must also print them out and have a physical copy just for sentimental reasons.
A few months ago I read an amazing book called “The Lotus and the Lily” It’s a great book for many reasons, its practical, fun, inviting to read and most of all it encourages writing down your hearts contents. From here I began to write “Dear Voice” and I love it.
Its an amazing story on how I found it. I was in a local book store that buys and sells books of all kinds. As I was scaling back and forth through the self-help section my eyes were drawn to the cover. It was of a butterfly and for some reason my heart felt so happy to see it. I flipped through it and I read the back/ “create the life you really want” and I was hooked. I knew immediately I had to get it. Now I know what it is to buy an item that speaks to your heart and soul, and I feel this way for many things I know I must have. In these cases, I try to find shoes like this, but it’s really different. Anyways. I will read it from a few months back.